unforgivable (a poem)

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–
urges come and urges go,
staying for so many years
after all the tears and fears.
my skin has healed,
my mind has not
because of all the lies i bought.
my skin has cried dark tears of blood
little drips become little floods,
as my wrists become permanantly stained
with a mix of blood and tears.
my blood my tears my fears.
fears of being found out.
tears of knowing its wrong.
blood of my body,
unrighteous yet pure
hoping one day to shout out ‘I’m cured!’
but knowing it’ll never be true.
for as long as my mind is mine.
because the scars will be there
the urges, too.
and all the years i lost.
i made myself pure,
through an unforgivable cost.