unforgivable (a poem)

–
–
urges come and urges go,
staying for so many years
after all the tears and fears.
my skin has healed,
my mind has not
because of all the lies i bought.
my skin has cried dark tears of blood
little drips become little floods,
as my wrists become permanantly stained
with a mix of blood and tears.
my blood my tears my fears.
fears of being found out.
tears of knowing its wrong.
blood of my body,
unrighteous yet pure
hoping one day to shout out ‘I’m cured!’
but knowing it’ll never be true.
for as long as my mind is mine.
because the scars will be there
the urges, too.
and all the years i lost.
i made myself pure,
through an unforgivable cost.

copyright Mariah Lichty 2009

Hating you felt wrong.

Loving you never worked.

Knowing you should have helped.

But it didn’t.

So now I’m f—– up.

F—– up by you.

Because you brought me up, and you shot me down

Just like a wild ride.

But then you had enough,

You pitched me off the ride,

All because you had enough.

So now I fall.

I’m falling to my doom, the death of my soul.

Because you dropped me, purposely, killed me.

Murdered me by letting me fall, for without

You I am nothing.

When you found me,

I was lost.

A blank piece of paper, for you to write your demands.

Demands, commands and rules.

I followed every one.

You directed me to my savior,

My savior

Was you.

You saved me from the pit of defeat,

But then you put me back,

Saying I wasn’t good enough.

I wasn’t pretty enough.

I just wasn’t enough.

Enough

Enough

Enough I cry.

I cry because you’re gone.

You’re gone because I wasn’t enough.

Enough.

What a terrible word.

Enough.

When is love ever enough?

copyright mariah lichty 2009

a flower here
a flower there
pull the weeds up tight
let the flowers grow
and reach the sky
and let them rest at night
they stretch and yawn
in the dawning sun
and bathe till the day is gone
sleeping peacefully at night
dreaming sweetly in pale moonlight

Breathe.

in,

out,

in,

out.

Close your eyes and count to ten.

Open them, and imagine.

Imagine a world without war, without

poverty, without

misfortune.

Imagine,

a world, of peace.

Of comfort.

Of love.

Imagine.

I cried till you came

I died till you came

I was lost until found by you.

You are my life,

the very air I breathe.

Without you,

There is no me.

There is only ‘us’

Until we die,

Our soul will live on, in each other.

So know now that I love you,

I wish to shout it forever.

‘I love you’

I.

Love.

You.

You plus me equals happiness.

You plus me equals love.

You plus me equals everything,

On earth and heaven above.

Because I cried till you came.

Because I died till you came.

Because

I.

Love.

You.

copyright Mariah Lichty 2009

I love him,

he hates me.

What else could go wrong.

He kisses her,

he disses me.

yet i still love him so.

the way he smells,

looks,

and feels.

Skin to skin it was beautiful.

what we had we lost,

what we lost was beautiful,

terrible,

wonderful.