My pencil dances across the stage, the words blur together through my tear filled vision.
Streaks of lead smear as my hand hops from word to word.
I listen to the deafening silence and scream at the demons to stop messing with my head.
I tell them to leave me alone, that I miss the old me; the social me.
The me who once had friends and laughed a true laugh every day.
The one who smiled at everyone a joyful smile.
One.
Two.
Three.
Four.
“Is this much okay? Or do you need more?”
More, she says, more. So much more.
Five.
Six.
Seven.
Eight.
My hand cramps and I drop the blade.
I stare at it and listen to her, feel her, live her.
I listen to her anger,
I feel her hatred;
I live the life she wants me to live.
A dirty disgusting revolting life.
Filled with pain and sadness
And voices that aren’t really there.
Too much counting,
Too much washing,
Living,
Breathing;
Too much bleeding
Too much blood!
Oh god what have I done?
I listened to that bitch again
The dirty slutty whore.
She tricked me.
My breathing tightens as I come to the realization
That I am as good as dead.
“Shit! Damn you, Jessie! Go to hell! Just leave me alone!”
I look down at the blood on my arm.
The same blood that usually calms me…
But now my chest slams shut, restricting my
Crucial air
The same blood that I worshipped so faithfully everyday
Was going to kill me.
Scramble for my inhaler, get dizzy; Sit back down
The letters on my prescriptions blur together.
Sleep. That’s all I want. To sleep.
I close my eyes to the sound of laughter.
Her laughter. She won. Why…
Beep. Beep. Beep.
Oh god the light was bright. Was I dead and gone to heaven?
NO.
I was alive. I made it. I beat her. I survived.
I look down at my now shaking hand.
One.
Two.
Three.
Blossoms in the day,
Goes to sleep at night.
Knowing that tomorrow,
Things will be alright.
Until then,
Sleep in peace,
Watching as your dreams increase.
I look at her beautiful skin.
Her beautiful, flawless skin.
It is unmarked by acne and imperfections,
left perfect and angelic.
So unlike my own skin.
My summer wardrobe will always cover my skin.
Hers will always flaunt it.
My summer skin will be forever flawed by my
perfect imperfections.
My blemished skin eternally hides behind my false smile.
I let go of my summer skin years ago,
when I first picked up that blade.
If I could tell her one thing, I would tell her this:
Never let go of your summer skin, or all of the beauty within.
I have many masks of many emotions.
Happy.
Surprised.
Sad.
Painting a new smile on my fake mask of happiness
with each day that passes.
Sit on the bed each night, surrounded by my paints and emotions.
My paints are running low,
the supply of smiles dwindle.
With each fake smile I use,
a real frown takes its place.
My supply of positive emotions are running towards the negatives.
Soon my tears will flood my masks’ empty eyes;
just like they fill my own.
The saltiness of the liquid causes the paint to run,
streaks of anguish on an otherwise perfect face.
The color is cracking with each smile I plaster on.
It is becoming nearly impossible to fix each new crack that appears.
My glue has been replaced with tears,
a never-ending supply of pain.
Why won’t anyone see my this through my cracked and broken smile.
They could if they chose to look closer than face value.
How close will you look?
Will you look closer and save a life of one deemed unsaveable?
I went for a walk today
and walked all the way to hell.
The fiery furnace blistered my skin
and burned my eyes
as I struggled through the maze of confusion.
Death is a beautiful thing.
A horrifying event that forever preserves the pain.
Look left, see life as it was;
look right, and see it as it is to come.
However, death can be deceiving
the past is pessimistic and sad,
the future seen only through the eyes of death.
A choice must be made;
stay in the warm embrace of satan
or go home to the coldness known only to me.
I must decide for myself before evil takes my voice.
Stay and be missed by few,
or go back and be ignored by many…
Innocence stolen before it could be known
Surrendering hope before all could be shown.
The secret’s silent burden forever getting bigger
Started screaming at her to pull the damn trigger.
Blocking out the voices only works for so long
A whisper in the wind, forever gone.
No-one knew her secrets
Walking on existence for 16 years,
She will soon be forgotten.
13 days will be etched in sand
as the days that she remembered
that she could not be owned.
For 16 years and 13 days,
She learned of beautiful death.
A death that started with her very first breath.
Dying faster than she could live;
Giving more than she had to give.
Her life in her eyes meant nothing,
And so she plotted the next best thing.
On the 13th day of her 16th year,
She unveiled her plan
And went on with her death,
A mere whisper in the wind.
Have you ever?
I have.
I have listened to the temptation;
given up when I needed to fight;
died when I needed to live.
Have you?
I have.
I have reached my final destination
conversed with the devil
and had nothing left to give.
Have you?
I have.
I have seen my life unfold
and crumble;
and crash.
I have had my talk with Satan;
watched him steal from me,
and steal me from myself.
Have you?
I have.
I have lied through my teeth when asked
if i was okay.
I said yes. That was a lie.
I said fine. Tht was a lie.
I said stop. You left.
You left me to die.
Die of what?…
I have died before because of lies I told myself;
lies I told you;
lies I told everyone else.
I have died from my temptations
and now I rot in my eternal damnnation
living my lie of a life.
I have died.
Have you?
Hearing words that have gone unsaid,
Seeing those long since dead.
The silence fills my ears with noise.
Try to stand tall and ignore the decoys.
All the living dolls who smile through their teeth
Trying to cover the truth that lies buried beneath.
Reach my final destination
Filled with violent temptation
Stand and cause my back to straighten
Crane my neck and peer at Satan.
“I’m not afraid of you” I say,
And thus begins the deadly ballet.
The dancers move with grace unmatched
Gnarled hands that seem detached.
Gruesome suffering fills the air
Matching the pain of my secret affair.
I know the routine inside and out
No more need to scream and shout.
I have danced this more than twice
Dancing longer with each new slice
My soul decides to stay once more
Eternally knocking on Satan’s door
Forever playing ‘Ding Dong Ditch’ in the battle for
My soul
And when it’s finally over, my life is what he stole…
Love is no emotion.
You cannot see it on one’s face,
But rather, you feel it radiating from the soul.
Love can be sought after, but never truly found
For in reality, you cannot find something that always was
and purely is.
It is required to be discovered by each individual.
Each and every separate being capable of love must expose it to the world
As it happens to be known to them.
Love feels no hate, yet it is not possible for it to exist without it.
Your very existence has the capability of showing the world
Love exists.
Mankind’s survival depends on the fact of love.
Without love, there would be no happiness in the world-
The world would be full of hatred;
But hate cannot exist without love,
its opposite,
its contradicting conflicting realm hidden inside itself.
WE
We are one,
We were one
But we are no longer.
It is no longer me and you
You and me
It is no longer we.
As we, as us, we were strong;
Invincible;
and valiant, nothing could conquer our souls.
Now, as me and as you, we is weak;
Destroyed;
conquered by something simple.
We. I wish we were we again.
I wish we laughed as we again, as us again.
I hope to one day see you smile like when it was always we
Never just me, never just you, always we.
We were one;
We is broken, destroyed, betrayed;
We is not to be.
The day has just begun, and I wake up to the smell of morning. Omelets frying on the griddle, coffee machines whirring awake with me. I look at the clock, realizing it is almost noon. I jump out of bed and head downstairs to brunch. The smell of different seasonings is in the air, getting stronger as I head towards the kitchen. Mmmmmm…
—————————————————————————————————————————————————————-
The day is young and I awake early to make my parents breakfast in bed. I quietly dress in my room and tip toe down the creaky steps, avoiding the third one from the top. I get to the bottom of the stairs and walk to the kitchen, trying not to wake my brother who fell asleep during last night’s movie. In the kitchen, I start up the griddle and set about making pancakes. I mix in the flour, the vanilla, and my secret ingredient. Pure almond extract. Just a small capful, though, because it’s too strong to add more. Upstairs, I can hear my parents waking up.
—————————————————————————————————————————————————————–
I am getting ready for bed when I hear my older sister, Hannah, scream. I drop my hairbrush in front of my mirror and dash to the bathroom. My mom is waiting in the bathroom trying to comfort her. Through the flustered sobs and screams I manage to find out that my sister has discovered that she has lice. I tell her I’m sorry, but inside, I’m grinning. Hah! I think. Now its her turn for the vinegar shampoo. The next day I get home from school to the strong smell of vinegar and instantly know that my sister is getting her hair washed. I peek my head in the kitchen and see my mom rinsing it out of Hannah’s hair. Poor Hannah. Now I can’t help but feel sorry for her, she hates any kind of bug. Now they are living in her hair. The brief pity session quickly passes and I go back to humming my cheery tune.
——————————————————————————————————————————————————————
I get to my grandmother’s house and instantly smell bread. I love homemade bread, but I try not to think of the ingredients included in the recipe. Bread=Yeast; Yeast=Bad. See, when I was 7, my brother and I were messing around in my grandma’s kitchen and he dumped a whole bag of yeast on my head. Well, actually, we bumped into the table and the open bag fell off. It hit my head so hard that the bag ripped and I inhaled the yeast, ultimately causing myself to choke on it. I didn’t have to go the hospital or anything, but it was still really scary.
There is a girl who is made of rock and stone
She is small and bland on the outside
Though once you crack the outer shield,
she is beautiful and
wants attention that shows her this unknown fact.
On the inside, she is filled with riches and rare jewels known as
smiles
but only on the inside until the outside rock is cracked and broken.
Once broken, it will be nearly impossible to put her shell together
And she will instead have to learn how to make do with the
Little bits and pieces still left lying around her…
Once her rocky armor is broken,
the smiles and gemstones tentatively peek out
and are timidly tried on for size and feel.
There is a girl who is made of rock and stone.
All the little things in life,
Can bring either sadness or bliss;
Some leave little scars unseen,
Yet others leave memories of happiness.
Though the hidden scars sometimes cut too deep,
To stay hidden for very long;
It’s okay to be scared or afraid,
As long as you do right, not wrong.
I have now gained a friend,
After confronting what I did;
I had been stupid and careless,
However, I’m no longer a kid.
The scars on my heart are shrinking,
Closing more and more each day;
Soon they will be sealed shut forever,
Memories conserved on the way.
I was once scared and confused,
But now my future looks bright;
I no longer have to wonder,
When everything will be alright.
LIFE
When I think about life,
I do not think of the bad stuff
I do not think of the good.
Because you see, there is more to life
Than the good and the bad
Everyone thinks of what they need
And what they want to have.
Its time to think not of what we have lost
But instead think of what we’ve gained
Because if you linger on only the bad
The happiness will need to be feigned.
When you think about life,
Do you think of the good or the bad?
Do you linger on grudges?
Thoughts to make you mad.
Or do you block out the anger
And consider only good
Think not of what you might
And only what you should.
When I think about life
I think of what it contains
Consider every detail
And of what the mind detains.
I picked up a couple rocks because they reminded me of myself.
—————————————————————————————
I am small and blend in to the background.
I am small and bland, but give me something to assist me,
and I become beautiful.
Outside, I am boring,
inside, there is a possibility that I am filled with jewels and riches.
It is hard to break me, but once broken,
it is nearly impossible to put me back together.
Instead, I must learn to make do with what is left of me.
The wind talks to me
Always whispering to me
Telling me secrets.
…………………………………………………
Wind blows through the town
Speaking of secrets unknown
Near the midnight hour
…………………………………………………
Near the midnight hour
The wind whispers through me
Telling me secrets of the world
………………………………………………….
………………………………………………….
Tell me your secret
Let your words become a song
Whisper it to me
Let known what I need to know
Because I want to help you
FOOL
You fool,
You don’t need others’ opinions
To be known throughout the world
As the one who is confident and brave.
You quip,
You don’t need a jester’s hat
To be known throughout the kingdom
As the fool from Timbuktu
You artiste,
All you need is an open mind
To be known throughout the state
As the artist who knows what to do
You entertainer,
You only need an open heart
To be known throughout the city
As the one who understands.
You jest,
You don’t need clown paint
To be known throughout the school
As the class clown from room 2B
You fool,
You only need an open ear
To be known within the room
As the one who listens to all
FAT CAT
If you ever get a cat
Here’s a lesson for you
Always remember, never forget
That your cat should be smaller than you.
Clock
The old clock stands tall and proud
Telling me that school is about to begins
And with school comes class; learning;
Trying to memorize your notes.
History books are stacked in the room. Take one. Read one.
Write down the knowledge you receive,
The wisdom; the majesty;
All because of the beauty of a simple clock.
Caress
Caress my cheek sweetly,
Be gentle as though with a child;
Tell me one more time in my mind
How much you love me.
Tell me again because I need you;
Tell me again because you are my very essence,
Hidden inside myself.
Tell me that you love me, just one last time.
Your touch is a love potion to me.
The tiniest moment of contact seems to spark a reaction inside me
Rendering me mute and immobile
Flailing to catch myself from you.
Take my hand; caress it gently, sweetly, kindly.
I crave it. It is my antidote to a drug that you create.
When near you, I seem to fall for you all over again,
When you speak to me, I seem a fool, mute; but not this time.
This time, I will go to you and not wait in the shadows to be
Unnoticed by you.
I will walk to you proud and confident. Nothing will stand in my way as I tell you
‘Hello’.
The back room. Dread it. Fear it.
Grab my imagination and hold it close
Because reality hits,
And at the moment, I am too close
Too close to the horror;
to the sweat;
the confusion.
Scuttle home to my safe, pure closet and hold the secret close
To me and never let it go,
Because this was a secret never destined to escape.
But now, now I think I may free this undisclosed secret into the wild
And never have to face it again.
I will put this secret in a locked box and
sink it in the deepest part of the ocean.
It will never be known to others.
Not to you, not to anyone;
No longer even me
Because I am disowning this unknown story
Releasing it from my mind;
Erasing it from my memory.
When I finish, my memories will be gone;
My mind will be a fresh blank slate
There for anyone to try to control and fill up
With their own stories.
No longer will I lay awake at night
Listening to the memory of the TV.
I have matured more than anyone can imagine
I know well beyond my years.
Filled with tension and anxiety
My panic rose with each step HE took.
I hated him, I loved him; I missed him.
I am too confused to know how to feel.
Too sick to realize that I never have to
Enter that big room again.
My secret fears should disappear
But my mind doesn’t seem to understand;
The horror is over but the nightmare has begun.
Now I crawl to my closet.
My clean, white, quiet closet.
Where no-one can hurt me.
No-one can tell me what to do or
how to do it.
I am the master of my own domain.
No-one controls me but me.
Knowing I am in control,
Calms my racing pulse just enough so that I know,
I know that the memories will soon pass
And I will be calm once again.
Holding my pillow tightly,
Clutching it to my chest,
I inhale the sweet scent
Of both linen and the fresh white paint
That covers my clean closet walls.
Lies
Three little words,
One
huge
question.
“Are you okay?”
Forced to lie or be discovered, I lie forevermore.
I lie when I say I’m okay;
I lie when I say I’m not mad.
I lie when I smile, I lie when I laugh.
Just as we all lie every day.
“Are you okay?”
I could choose to say no. I could choose to tell the truth and risk hurting those around me…
but that risk is far too great.
In a world filled with lies, why do we bother to tell the truth?
When it is easier to lie,
everyone lies.
“Are you okay?”
Someday I will tell the truth. Someday.
Not today.
Today I will lie just like everyone else…
because
everyone lies.
But what about you?
“Are you okay?”
Choose your answer carefully, ponder each logical choice.
Yes… or no?
You decide.
Decide if today will be the day to stop lying and start answering truthfully.
I’ve made my choice.
Have you?
Black Lies
Webster’s English Dictionary defines the word ‘lie’ as follows:
A falsehood uttered or acted for the purpose of deception; an intentional violation of truth; an untruth spoken with the intention to deceive.
On the outside, I have it pretty good. My parents love me and they love each other. My brother and I get along really well. I have a lot of friends. On the outside, I lie to everyone when I smile through my teeth and tell them the things they want to hear. I lie when I say I’m okay, but don’t worry; they’re just little lies, white lies. They won’t hurt anyone, but me… because eventually, little white lies combine and add up until all you have are the big lies; the bad lies; the black lies. Black lies are like the big secrets that you have to tell someone, but that you can’t tell anyone. Guess what, I have a black lie. Oh, I won’t tell you what it is, oh no, instead, I am going to tell you the little white lies that added up.
You know the girl who sits by herself at lunch? The one whose cousin is in the loony bin because she tried to kill herself? The one who’s really smart, but not smart enough to sit with the ‘brains’? The one who’s different. Odd. Needs everything to be just so. That was me. Until I found a release. This release had consequences, I knew that. I just didn’t know how big they truly were. Let’s go back a few years… back to sixth grade.
Letter to my friend:
Dear friend,
I was scared when I realized what I had done. I ran in fear and disbelief to your house. I sobbed as I explained what I did.
“Please don’t tell anyone.” I beg. You swear you won’t, but by the end of the day you crack. You got too scared. You tell your mom, who in turn tells mine. You don’t remember this day and neither does my mom, but I do. The next time it happened, I was smart. I didn’t run to you. I didn’t run to anyone. I sat in my room and cried, ashamed but strangely bemused by what I was becoming. I got caught in a downward spiral. The more I did it, the more guilt that bundled inside me. The guiltier I felt, the more I did it.
White lie number one: I’m okay.
You thought I stopped 3 years ago. Back when this battle between me and myself first began. You thought wrong. This war still rages inside of me. I win small battles, but in the long run, this monster that I have become is eating me alive. I still need help; it’s just that I don’t know how to ask. I pick my battles carefully, choosing the ones I know I’ll win. They are hard to come by nowadays.
White lie number two: I stopped before I started.
There were many more white lies, dishonesties and half-truths that added up, but in the end, they all came back to haunt.
As you go through everyday life, you notice the kids who are different, who have little ‘quirks’. They start the year laughing then recede into their shell. The ones so careful to hide their true self under layers of clothing and hundreds of masks. So quick deflect questions that might uncover the mystery of the hidden wounds.
There are many lies told in day to day life, but whether they are white lies, black lies, or half-lies, the biggest lies of all are the ones you tell yourself.
Every cut that takes the pain away,
Begins the start of a brand-new day.
I cut in the morning
I cut at night,
I cut so I can see the light
In this darkened beast that is me.
Parents they don’t understand
Why I wear my scars like cattle brands.
I wear them long
I wear them all
I wear them proudly most of all.
Proudly because they remind me
Of the times I found control.
Gaining control is the ultimate goal
far more than being loved or in health.
For as long as I have my scars,
I need no other wealth.
copyright Mariah Lichty 2010
you left my heart un-mended
cut deep into my soul
leaving me wary of those around me so much
that now i wear a crown of thorns.
it protects me from further heartbreak
while leaving my wounds unhealed.
wont you please come back with a sewing kit?
run a cross stitch along the broken seams of my beating heart.
One stitch could be the start of mending this broken heart.
There is a stake inside my soul,
Going deeper each minute that you’re gone.
So please come back to me.
each second you stay here, the longer you prolong my death.
You’re killing me in your absents,
yet you murdered me with your love.
copyright Mariah Lichty 2010
school assignment
I am Cole (after)
I am healing and bewildered.
I wonder if I will ever be forgiven.
I hear Peter calling me, willing me to come to his aid.
I see Garvey pull up in his boat, boasting of how far I’ve come.
I want to get better, to please Garvey in his expectations for me, to be free.
I am healing and bewildered.
I pretend that I don’t want to soak in icy water or carry a twenty pound rock.
I feel my anger lifting away from me.
I touch the rough bark of the tree, the one whose trunk leans away from me no matter which way I turn.
I worry about the left end of the stick; it’s in the back of my mind but never out of reach.
I cry when I think of what I did to Peter and how much I regret it.
I am healing and bewildered.
I understand that I was wrong in my actions and my beliefs, and that consequences are always there, no matter how bad they may be.
I say that it won’t happen again (it won’t), that I’m sorry (I am), and that I am healing from the inside out.
I dream of helping others as Garvey has helped me.
I try my best not to let my anger get the best of me.
I hope to make a difference and to see the spirit bear, touch the bear, breathe the bear, and to save it like saved me.
I am healing and bewildered.
a poem i wrote as an assignment for english:
I am Cole (before)
I am cold and unforgiving.
I wonder what tomorrow brings- break-ins, beatings, or juvie.
I hear the whimpering of those who fear me.
I see them cowering in the hall.
I want them to know fear as I have known fear.
I am cold and unforgiving.
I pretend that I fear nothing, no one, not a thing.
I feel anger towards the world and everyone, everything in it.
I touch my father’s belt, making stripes upon my back.
I worry about getting caught or getting sent to jail.
I cry silently so no one hears, alone so no one sees.
I am cold and unforgiving.
I understand that I’m mean, angry and out-of-control.
I say that it won’t happen again… I know that it will.
I dream of living for today, not tomorrow’s satisfaction.
I try to do nothing, usually I succeed.
I hope for nothing because I get nothing.
I am cold and unforgiving.
She lay there in the hospital
brought on by herself,
and she lay there dying
as her stomach got pumped out.
The last words she ever said were “dad, come visit me”
and guess what: he never did
though his love was her life’s key.
He never called
didn’t even bat an eye,
cause he was too busy gettin
too drunk
too high.
Yeah he loved her,
just didn’t care,
now he’s passed out in his easy chair.
Pain Drenched Sorrow
My eyes are my mask-
They sparkle with joy,
But when I’m alone they
Leak tears of pain.
Like a faucet I turn the tears on or off,
But now the pipes are leaking.
More and more the faucet drips,
Each tear comes slowly faster
‘till one of these days I’ll lose control; small drips
become a waterfall
cascading down
my cheeks.
Pain drenched sorrow is what I have,
Relief
is what I need,
but that pipe has many turns, forks, and dead-ends.
If I take the wrong path I’ll be lost,
dead in a place with no name.
I am Mariah
I am artistic and unique.
I wonder who I am; who I see staring back at me from the murky water that is my soul.
I hear sobbing in my mind.
I see pain and hurt around me.
I want to be free of all desires that bind me to this earthly prison.
I am artistic and unique.
I pretend the world is well.
I feel the pain of the world in my soul.
I touch the smooth velvet of my teddy bear’s nose.
I worry for my friends, my family and myself.
I cry when I feel pain bound up inside of me and see others with the same bundle of madness and shortcomings burdening their back; my back.
I am artistic and unique.
I understand that no one’s perfect, everyone falls short.
I say that love is kind, understanding, and gentle.
I dream of making a difference, of marking my place in this world.
I try to do my best at everything I do.
I hope for acceptance, not rejection, hurt or anger.
I am artistic and unique.
Run Little Child
Run little child, run.
Run away from the terrors of night.
Run away from your fears
And maybe your nightmares won’t come true.
Shh little child, shh.
Be quiet now, do not cry; do not be afraid.
It was only a dream.
Come into the light; they can’t hurt you now.
If you do not sleep, you will not see the dangers of your dreams.
Pray little child, pray.
Pray that the terrors stay in your dreams of night.
And your joy stays in the light.
Pray that you won’t be tired and will not sleep.
Pray that you won’t collapse, but will run.
Run away from your fears and
Pray for the light of the sun to shine down upon your face.
Laugh little child, laugh.
Your nightmares are afraid.
Sleep little child, sleep.
Run to joyous hopes and dreams, as your fears fade away.
copyright Mariah Lichty 2009
copyright Mariah Lichty 2009
Tomorrow the world could end.
Tomorrow straight lines could bend.
Tomorrow time could stop,
we become a world of broken clocks,
and we live by the light of the sun.
So we look for tomorrow,
because tomorrow is all that we have.
Yesterday has passed,
today is already here,
but tomorrow hasn’t yet come.
So scan the horizon and reach for tomorrow,
because tomorrow, brings freedom to all.
–
–
urges come and urges go,
staying for so many years
after all the tears and fears.
my skin has healed,
my mind has not
because of all the lies i bought.
my skin has cried dark tears of blood
little drips become little floods,
as my wrists become permanantly stained
with a mix of blood and tears.
my blood my tears my fears.
fears of being found out.
tears of knowing its wrong.
blood of my body,
unrighteous yet pure
hoping one day to shout out ‘I’m cured!’
but knowing it’ll never be true.
for as long as my mind is mine.
because the scars will be there
the urges, too.
and all the years i lost.
i made myself pure,
through an unforgivable cost.
copyright Mariah Lichty 2009
Hating you felt wrong.
Loving you never worked.
Knowing you should have helped.
But it didn’t.
So now I’m f—– up.
F—– up by you.
Because you brought me up, and you shot me down
Just like a wild ride.
But then you had enough,
You pitched me off the ride,
All because you had enough.
So now I fall.
I’m falling to my doom, the death of my soul.
Because you dropped me, purposely, killed me.
Murdered me by letting me fall, for without
You I am nothing.
When you found me,
I was lost.
A blank piece of paper, for you to write your demands.
Demands, commands and rules.
I followed every one.
You directed me to my savior,
My savior
Was you.
You saved me from the pit of defeat,
But then you put me back,
Saying I wasn’t good enough.
I wasn’t pretty enough.
I just wasn’t enough.
Enough
Enough
Enough I cry.
I cry because you’re gone.
You’re gone because I wasn’t enough.
Enough.
What a terrible word.
Enough.
When is love ever enough?
copyright mariah lichty 2009
a flower here
a flower there
pull the weeds up tight
let the flowers grow
and reach the sky
and let them rest at night
they stretch and yawn
in the dawning sun
and bathe till the day is gone
sleeping peacefully at night
dreaming sweetly in pale moonlight
Breathe.
in,
out,
in,
out.
Close your eyes and count to ten.
Open them, and imagine.
Imagine a world without war, without
poverty, without
misfortune.
Imagine,
a world, of peace.
Of comfort.
Of love.
Imagine.
I cried till you came
I died till you came
I was lost until found by you.
You are my life,
the very air I breathe.
Without you,
There is no me.
There is only ‘us’
Until we die,
Our soul will live on, in each other.
So know now that I love you,
I wish to shout it forever.
‘I love you’
I.
Love.
You.
You plus me equals happiness.
You plus me equals love.
You plus me equals everything,
On earth and heaven above.
Because I cried till you came.
Because I died till you came.
Because
I.
Love.
You.
copyright Mariah Lichty 2009
I love him,
he hates me.
What else could go wrong.
He kisses her,
he disses me.
yet i still love him so.
the way he smells,
looks,
and feels.
Skin to skin it was beautiful.
what we had we lost,
what we lost was beautiful,
terrible,
wonderful.
copyright mariah lichty 2009
I sit waiting on the stairs
Hoping for you to come home
I don’t think you will
I saw you with her
Know that you saw me
Know now that the ring
On your finger means nothing to you
Know what I mean to you.
I mean nothing.
She means something.
Or maybe she means nothing.
Maybe she’s just a toy
Just a teddy bear for you to play with
Just like I was,
But am no longer.
Because I saw you with her.
Because I know you saw me.
Because now I know,
Know that you never loved me.
Know that I still love you.
But I won’t be loved back.
So now I sit waiting.
Waiting for you to come home
And explain,
Explain that it was nothing
That she was just a good friend.
But I know that’s not it.
Know you’re not coming home.
Know that I still love you,
Will always love you,
And right now I miss you,
Right now I hate you,
Right now I love you.
Right now,
I wait for you,
Knowing that I will be waiting forever.
Waiting,
Instead of loving,
Until death.
there was a camel who lived in a zoo
where did he come from, he came from wazoo
i turned around
fell flat on the ground
for there sat the camel, playing kazoo.
copyright 2009 mariah lichty
copyright 2009 mariah lichty
Knock knock
Knock knock.
Something’s at the door.
A flash of black
A flash of white
A stripe runs through the fur
A gasp
A shriek
A frightened yell
Do you know who it is?
A ghastly smell
A runaway pet
I think I have a clue
You get sprayed
I run away
I know who it is, do you?
Open up the door and smile down
‘Why hello, Mr. Skunk, what a beautiful day.’
copyright 2009 mariah lichty
Just an Ordinary Storm
The skies roar
with thunder
A horseshoe in The Clouds
Splash into the muddy lake
I started freaking out.
Wind picks up and I fall over
I get up
Skies open and pour out their soul
A soul made of water, H2O
Rain shoots down like arrows
Stinging my shoulders,
My legs
And my hands.
Don’t be afraid,
It’s just an ordinary storm.
copyright 2009 mariah lichty
Joys of life are fun.
Joys of life are relaxing.
Joys of life are what you enjoy.
Different for everyone.
For me its always nature
Sunsets of gold and pink.
The songbirds in the trees.
The beautiful things in life aren’t always what you do with others.
Beautiful things in my life;
Beautiful things in yours.
Always different yet the same.
Swimming
Friends
And laughing.
Those are always fun.
The way the little girl smiles
The way the little boy laughs.
When you know you’ve done something right.
Something correct.
Something amazing.
Those, are the joys in life.
copyright 2009 mariah lichty
One day i will hate you.
one day i will love you.
one day i will die for you.
one day i will beg you not to go.
but right now i do not hate you,
nor do i love you so.
right now i will watch you die,
just like i watch you go
because right now,
i dont care.
about you
about her
about me.
so go ahead and keep on walking,
but dont you dare come back,
because one day soon i will hate you.
one day soon i will love you,
die for you,
beg you.
but that day
is not today.
copyright 2009 mariah lichty
Puzzle Called Life
No one understands me
Or how I live my life.
I do this when you want that.
You think I’m strange,
Call me weird;
Well guess what,
My life is a mystery,
To both you and I;
I keep discovering new clues,
More pieces to the puzzle,
And this puzzle is not yet finished,
Not even half done.
It keeps getting bigger,
It will never be finished until the day I die.
This puzzle is bewildering
With millions of pieces,
And no picture on the box,
Because there is no box;
The pieces just appear,
Different ones for different paths.
Strange,
Weird,
Unique,
Mysterious,
All describe my life;
All describe your life.
All, describe life.
copyright 2009 mariah lichty
When the day is done
And you’re exhausted,
Stop and smell the roses.
When you quarrel with friends
And you don’t know what to do,
Stop and admire the daisies.
When the trip is tough
And you’re lost without hope,
Stop and listen to song.
When you need a break
And a pick-me-up,
Stop and taste your freedom.
When its been a long year
And its too much to bear,
Stop and feel your comforts.
When life is good
And you’re without worry,
Stop and count your blessings.
Blessings of roses,
Blessings of daisies,
Blessings of comfort and song.
Blessings of freedom
Of hardships and life,
Blessings of all the above.
So when you go on the road trip of life,
Remember to stop and smell the roses along the way.
copyright 2009 mariah lichty
Sunlight Streaming
Sunlight streams in the window
Glinting off your hair
You wear it to your chin
Swept forward in your eyes
I stare at you till class is done
And then I stare some more
You caught me looking that one time
The time you caught my gaze
A smile playing in your sparkling eyes
Your eyes are green
I noticed then
I never had before
It happened again the next day
And once more after that
Till finally you stopped me after class
And asked if we could talk
It ended up being more than that
I found your lips on mine
copyright 2009 mariah lichty
Peace
Flies buzzing
Horns blaring,
Birds singing in the trees of white.
The taste of fresh air in my mouth.
The rough bark against my back.
Dragonflies are everywhere;
Flitting, around my head;
Around my tree.
The smell of dirt from the gardens and grass.
Tiny little bugs crawl;
On my hands
On my legs
On my feet.
They’re everywhere.
This, is peace
copyright 2009 mariah lichty
Branded on my Skin
Branded on my skin,
are many many scars.
Scars of sorrow, of fun and of anger.
Please help me.
Scars are everywhere;
on my arms
on my legs
on my hands.
Help me please.
Scars are everywhere;
On my heart
My memory
My soul.
Please help me.
Tears falling as I explain,
How I got this one,
And this one
And that.
I know I have been wrong
in punishing myself,
but what’s done
is done
And can’t be undone.
If possible to go back,
I would.
But the scars make me who I am,
Who I want to be.
Scars are everywhere.
I am branded like cattle,
Only I had a choice.
I made the wrong one.
Someone, just help me please.